I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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