so explain again why im purple
no
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
