Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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