The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
