The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
