I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
