my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
only you would photoshop your dick
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize