You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
