This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
