K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
