I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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