...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
