I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
