you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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