I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
