i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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