u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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