can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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