Screwed.edu
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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