two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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