omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
