she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
