My underwear smells like fireworks.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
