You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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