every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
