My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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