I have demons in me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize