it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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