how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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