I feel like I'm in dance class right now
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
