he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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