I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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