Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
