There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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