brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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