apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize