this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
