I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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