I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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