i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you had me at cake vodka
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
