I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
