Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize