i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
