what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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