he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
