I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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