): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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