I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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