I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
