i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize