he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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