a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I intend to get homeless drunk
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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