ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
