New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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