getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
