From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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