My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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