There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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