We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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