Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's the barista slut.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
