I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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