would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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