Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
