He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
