Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
