It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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