No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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