I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
