Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
