do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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