Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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