when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
