i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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