is your mom at the bar?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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