whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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