If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
