Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
