you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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