please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
