for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
