yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
