he told me I talked like a deaf person
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize