she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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