you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
